Fostering Connection & Creativity with Children By Phyllis Vokey Long

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Eunice Jeremiah:
Welcome, everyone, to Family Conference 2020, presented by Rhombus University. The topic covered in this presentation is Fostering Connection and Creativity with Children at Home. And our speaker is Phyllis Long, marriage and family therapist and child development specialist.

Eunice Jeremiah:
Phyllis Long has a thriving private practice in La Mesa, and has served as founder and clinical supervisor for the New Day Women’s Center for the past 10 years. She had her master’s degree in marriage and family therapy from Bethel Seminary and is licensed in the State of California. With over 25 years of child development experience as behavioral consultant and trainer for early childhood programs, preschool teacher and administrator, along with personal experience as a single mother, remarrying into a blended family and raising four children, Phyllis can identify many of the joys and challenges presented in families today. Please help me welcome our speaker, Phyllis Long.

Phyllis Long:
Okay. And welcome, everybody. I’m looking forward to presenting today. And I’m going to do my best to share the screen. I’m going to share a PowerPoint for you. And as I’m doing this and setting it, I want to let you know that this PowerPoint will be available for you online. Let’s see. Did I get it up? Let’s get it up. Okay. There we go. You’ll be able to make a copy of this.

Phyllis Long:
So, I’m going to encourage you to just be able to listen as we’re going along and you won’t need to write down what’s on the slides. You can print out what’s on the slides, but there may be things that I share with you as I go along that are the gold nuggets for you, specifically. And those are the things I encourage you to write down. I know that some things are going to be more applicable than others. And so, again, I’m just wanting you to not have to do a lot of writing and to be able to just take in and be present.

Phyllis Long:
So, today, we’re going to talk about these four things. We’ll talk about the biblical perspective of creativity and connection, the idea that we’re created in the image of the creator, who is creative and relational. And we’ll have tips for looking at the emotional and relational needs of your family, individually and as a whole. We’ll do a few relaxation tools and tips to reduce stress and frustration for families, to help move into that creative space. And then we’ll talk about some developmentally appropriate activities that foster creativity and connection with children.

Phyllis Long:
And when I’m talking about children, it’s a range of children. And I think what you’re going to see is any of what I present to you can be adapted to any age group, because it’s going to begin with an assessment of who’s in your family, and understanding them and learning more about them individually.

Phyllis Long:
So, let’s talk about the biblical perspective of creativity and connection, first. First of all, people think of creativity as something that we do aesthetically or crafts, or things that we make. But let’s remember that we… I loved Ray’s talk this morning. He really talked about the creator and his creation. And as his creation, and being created in his image, in us is the spirit of creativity. So, we all have creativity. And people will say, “I’m not creative.” But I think you’re going to learn as we go through this, that creativity is in all of us in very diverse ways.

Phyllis Long:
We’re also going to talk about created for a relationship. And relationship is going to play a big role in our creativity. Creativity with God. I mean, I’m sorry. Created for relationship with God and with one another. And we know that we read in 1 Corinthians 1:9 about… Well, first of all, let’s start with Genesis. God walked with us. Didn’t he? He walked with Adam and Eve in the garden. He related to them. And then we are to relate to one another and we’re to love one another, as it says in John 13:34. Such a foundational perspective for life is our creativity and relationship.

Phyllis Long:
We also know that the word tells us in Exodus and in Ephesians 3:10, and I won’t read all these scriptures for the same of time, but we were created for good works. God put in all of us unique gifts. He gave us the ability to do things. And he gave us a plan and a purpose for those things that were put in us.

Phyllis Long:
So, we’re going to look at creativity in our families and how do we put those things together? If you were in Davida’s workshop earlier about resilience, we talked about interdependence versus independence. How do we, as a family, relate to one another and use our unique giftings to create connection and to be able to give out to one another and then into the world?

Phyllis Long:
So, first of all, creativity involves a bridge of freedom and belonging. Freedom and belonging is an important piece of creativity. We talked in the first workshop, if you were in with Jed, and we talked about family relationships and family time matters, you saw that little moments of connection are vital. We need to slow down, stop and reset. We’re in such a performance mode in our culture and in our society that we miss out on connecting. We need to get out of the performance mode, the idea that we always have to be doing and performing.

Phyllis Long:
And I know I’m a parent and I have adult children. Now, I have grandchildren. I was a preschool teacher for years. I trained other people to teach children. I can tell you that performance mode as a parent, I was in the very early years of my parenting, performing weighed heavily on me, because we all are worried as moms, as caregivers. We all think that we’re failing all the time. I can tell you that. In counseling, when I work with parents, they’re all worried that they’re not doing enough or things right enough, but that performance anxiety keeps us from being present to connect. And the desire is we want to be present with our kids to connect. And this COVID season has forced us into being in an environment together to connect, but there’s been some things that can also still keep us disengaged, even when we’re all in the same room together. And we’ll look at those things.

Phyllis Long:
We want to embrace the unique giftings and strengths. And when we do that, children begin to believe of all ages that, “I belong. I have something to offer in this family. I’m heard. I’m seen and I’m loved.” And those are foundational to being able to move forward in creativity.

Phyllis Long:
Oh, I guess I went the wrong way. I don’t know how I did that. Let’s go. Okay.

Phyllis Long:
So, to start with, we want to look at and embrace the emotional and relational needs of our family. We have to consider some specific areas because we’re whole people, right? There’s all kinds of things that influence our emotional and our relational needs. So, we want to consider different temperaments. And that can be tricky because if I’m an exuberant parent and I’m very outgoing, and I have a child who’s a little more reserved and a little bit quieter, sometimes that can be frustrating. And you feel like they’re not out there enough. But if you look at where are they, because temperament and personality stays with your child their whole life. That’s basically a foundation of how they are. But we can train it and teach it, but nevertheless, being respectful of the differences in temperament and personality among children, the looking at the environment. And the environment feeds how we are emotionally and relationally. And it’s different for everyone.

Phyllis Long:
And people think of environment as maybe the physical environment and how it’s set up, but environment includes not just the physical setting, but the sensory setting. Children pick up on vibrations sensorially, the sounds in the environment. Some are soothed by music. Some of them, it makes them anxious. Too much noise, not enough sound. Some children, the smells can be too much or they can be very calming and soothing. So, you want to look at the sensory environment, which includes all the senses.

Phyllis Long:
Having visual overload or not enough to look at. So, we want to pay attention to how are they responding to the environment and what seems to cause them some stress? Is it not enough going on here? Is there too much? And then of course, most importantly is the relational environment. Is it safe and secure? Is it connected and settled? And we set the tone as parents in that relational environment. And as Jed said this morning, they feed off of us. They will take their cues from us. And if I’m anxious and overwhelmed, they’re going to feel that. They can become anxious and overwhelmed. Looking at the current circumstances of what’s going on, that feeds of course, the emotional and relational needs. And again, look at them as individuals, what might be going on that’s feeding this, and what are the things that might help settle it? Looking at their differences, their strengths, their gifts, what they enjoy. All of those things are going to play out in how we relate to our kids. And they’re also going to play out in how creativity manifests in them.

Phyllis Long:
And then special needs. And I like to bring up the issue of special needs because I’ve done a lot of training for programs about how do we include kids with special needs. And I want to say every child and every adult has special needs. We all have special needs, every one of us. And looking at what those are and identifying with them and what are the things that my kids need, that especially nurture them to be able to feel connected and safe, and secure and loved.

Phyllis Long:
And then we want to look at what are some ways, because another avenue to getting to that place of freedom and that place of belonging is being able to be present. And when anxiety starts to raise up in our kids and/or in us, or in you, I will say that, then it starts to make us begin to go into our head or go into the other coping mechanisms, instead of being here and being in the now.

Phyllis Long:
So, there’s some quick activities I’m just going to run through that can help set the tone for getting into a place where creativity can come about. So, beginning with, we all know that one of the first steps to relaxation… And by the way, the reason I’m going to give you these tools, these aren’t just for your kids, I’m telling you if you need to calm down, make it fun for your kids, do something that they would want to do and choose from something on this list or something that you’ve learned.

Phyllis Long:
So, one of the things I would use when kids are bouncing off the wall, I’d say, “Okay, let’s just all take a deep breath and maybe we’re going to blow some bubbles.” Now, those of you have teens, I wouldn’t rule out blowing bubbles. I don’t think anybody gets tired of it. And I’m not talking about big bubble ones. Why blowing bubbles? Well, let’s think about when we blow bubbles, what has to happen? If you dip your bubble wand into your little jar of bubbles and you pull it out, and you blow hard, you get nothing. So, you have to blow slowly. So, I actually have my adults do this. I actually have clients, “Get your bubbles and get them out.”

Phyllis Long:
So, just for fun, I’m going to encourage you all to blow bubbles with me. So, if you’ll get out your bottle and you’ll dip your bubble wand, and you’ll pull it out. Again. And do you feel that already would be soothing?

Phyllis Long:
You can use senses by just saying, “You know what? Let’s just go for a walk outside and see what kind of weather we have and feel the sun on our back. See what kind of day it is. What do we hear? Do you hear the birds chirping? What kind of clouds do we have in the sky today? And just taking those in, that’s bringing you in the here and the now. And what this is doing is this is soothing the part of the brain, the amygdala that gets overloaded and begins to be hyperactive. And it allows the higher executive functioning to come back, the oxygen to get in this part of the brain and to relax everything, to be able to be present for that freedom and that belonging for creating.

Phyllis Long:
You can get into a complex with some visualization. You can put on a tape, or you can ask everyone, “Let’s imagine something really great we’re going to do today. We’re all going to the beach. Let’s all imagine we’re they are now.” And walk through what they see. “Let’s imagine we’re on the sand and the sun is on us. And we can hear the waves, smell the ocean water. We’re going to get out our surfboards or our boogie boards.” And you can walk through with this. You can tell jokes, because laughing is always a great way to break up stress.

Phyllis Long:
Compartmentalization. You can have a box and say, “Okay, we’re going to take this box. We’ve talked about the problem. We’ve talked about what’s bothering you. Can we take and put that away for a while? And now we’re going to go on and do one of these other things that relaxes us.”

Phyllis Long:
Physical release is always good. Exerting energy with physical activity. As a family and depending on your kids and their personalities, some of them might enjoy that you just blast the music and do crazy dancing. It might be that you’re just going to get out and ride a bike or take a walk, a brisk walk. But young kids, you can put them in the bathtub and give them a scrub brush and have them scrub a rock or a shell, or scrub the sides of the tub. Scrubbing is a great release. Or everybody get outside and scrub something down.

Phyllis Long:
And then of course, creative expression is always a great outlet. And we’re going to talk about, by the way, as we go into creative expression on array. We’re going to talk about music and visual art, and storytelling, and dance, and problem solving, constructing. It’s all creative expression.

Phyllis Long:
Now, as I talk about fostering creativity with kids, this is the way people think we’re going to talk about it. That it’s a big, messy project. You got to buy a lot of stuff and make a big mess in your house. And you’re thinking, “Not here. Not now. I don’t have the mind for it.” But I promise you, today what I’m going to give you are things you can do every day and everyday in life without a lot of materials, without having to buy hardly anything, if anything, at all. It’s going to be process oriented, not product oriented. These are not crafts. This is not contrast examples. These are not performance-oriented activities. This is going to be creative outlets using a variety of strengths and giftings as a family to enjoy each other.

Phyllis Long:
So, let’s start with what is the value of creativity and creative activities? Right now the world is so full. When kids are going to school, they’re taking away more and more of the creative process. And there’s more and more rope memory. There’s more and more being told what to think and having to know the answers. There’s a lot of competition types of and performance based activities. But stopping and slowing down and being in a creative space, what it does is it helps children to develop decision making and problem solving skills that they can do their schoolwork better. They can solve problems in life better. They can carry them over into other areas of their life.

Phyllis Long:
Creative activities can increase independence and self-direction as kids explore and experiment, and see how outcomes work. They can feel confidence and develop a feeling of competence, that’ll help them to direct themselves, and not always have to ask what to do and how to do it, “And will you help me?” It relates to all areas of cognition. I just listed those. And it provides an outlet for emotional expression. Being able to create and belong, and know that what you do is good and worthy, and valued helps to re-center emotionally, and even cognitively. It’s a great reset. It promotes confidence, as I said. And it also focuses on learning from experiences.

Phyllis Long:
So, I’m going to give you some specific activities on how to do that. But in the meantime, I want to talk about some of the things that stifle creativity. And by the way, none of these things may be wrong or bad in and of themselves, but too much of them will conflict with that creativity that is internally driven more naturally for children. And those of you who have very young children have seen that they can be very creative on their own, but as they get older schedules become more structured. Activities are more structured. They’re in school and things are more performance based. All of that overly structured schedules starts to reduce the capacity to be creative, because we’re always thinking of what we’re going to do next and how we’re going to do it and when we’re going to do it.

Phyllis Long:
Too much adult direction, too much monitoring and too much evaluation can get in the way of creativity. I talked about competence and performance oriented activities, even though they’re great and they have a place, but just know that too much of those and not enough room for creativity can scrunch it.

Phyllis Long:
Rote-memorization, always telling them. We want to give kids Bible verses, but telling them, “Well, what do you think that means? How can we apply that to our lives? Where have you seen that play out in our lives?” Those are things that help them to see application rather than just rote-memorization,. To be able to utilize it and carry it into their lives.

Phyllis Long:
Pressure to conform. And then we all know about passive entertainment, which is a temptation when you have kids at home, especially right now. And having some screen time is great, but if that’s what we’re doing all day long and everybody is in their corners, then we’re not creating and we’re not engaging.

Phyllis Long:
So, here are some simple ways to foster creativity at home. First of all, with art supplies, making some art supplies easily accessible. And most of us have this, we have crayons. We have markers. We have paint. We have things that are creative for them to use. But look at some of the other areas for creativity, like the kinds of things they’re using, open-ended things that they can build with, that they can create with like Legos and tinker toys, and blocks, and other types of construction toys and activities. Provide for unstructured and imaginative play. And we’re talking younger kids, action figures and dolls and puppets.

Phyllis Long:
But I can tell you, puppets can be a family thing, even with teens. And I’ve done puppets with teens. They love it because it’s a way of projecting the story without it having to be on the spot. Dress up clothes, and just having dress up clothes or costuming and things like that, but also giving them plenty of free time and space. Natural settings that promote casual conversations like at the dinner table, even just asking, “What are some funner, interesting things we can do this weekend?” And you do these things with brainstorming and no judgements. We say, “Oh no, no that.” Or, “That won’t work.” We just say, “Okay, okay, what else would be fun? Now, let’s decide as a group what’s most practical for us and what’s doable.”

Phyllis Long:
Ask them to tell you about their creations and their process. Our temptation is to say, “Oh, I love it.” Or, “Oh, that’s great.” But ask them, “How did you do that? Wow. How did that happen? How did you get this color?” Or, “How did you make that work?”

Phyllis Long:
Encourage ideas and brainstorming. And that’s where we’re going to go with our activities.

Phyllis Long:
Creativity is involved in math and science and problem solving of any kind. So, when you are asking them, “What can we do to solve this?” You’re teaching them to be creative in their mind. And every answer is one to be considered.

Phyllis Long:
And model your creative experiences and experiments. Let them see you make mistakes. So, as you’re doing things, you want to go around the house. As you’re making a new meal, you might say, “I’m trying to think of what we’re going to eat tonight. I thought I’d make a new vegetable. I’m going to try this recipe. Maybe I’ll throw some of this in. What else do you think might work? And oh, that didn’t taste so good.” Or, “That tasted great.” Let them see you try and fail, and try and succeed. And understand that creative process is in the every day. And it’s okay to experience and experiment. Okay.

Phyllis Long:
Now, the part that you might be waiting for is I’m going to give you a few ideas for some very specific activities that you can flex to the kids in your family. And I say, these are for every age group. And I know I’ve had teens. And teens will get silly. If we’re in the home with their families, they often enjoy having a silly time with their parents, where we’re all contributing together. And I’m saying silly, it’s not always silly. But I’m going to talk about some of these activities.

Phyllis Long:
Now, I want you to know that there’s a handout for you, that you can print out, that’s going to actually tell you how to do the process, what you need and how to walk it through. So, I’m just going to give you some examples of a few things. Actually, I want to hear from you as we get into the question and answer time of some things that maybe you are doing at home, that you’ve been experimenting with, that you see as fostered creativity with your kids, because we learn from each other. There’s no right and wrongs here. And some of these things I’ve learned as I’ve gone along, and just discovered and found to be great.

Phyllis Long:
So, a family collage, so a family collage requires maybe some magazines, a pair of scissors for each person and some glue sticks and a poster board. And choose a theme. And this can be a vision board. Okay. Let’s collage, our dream vacation, where we all would love to go. And keep in mind, there won’t be any wrong answers to these things. And nobody is telling you what to put in the collage or where to put it. They can cut out words and pictures and dream. Just dream together. It’s just for fun. “Let’s dream together.” And what this does is it’s an opportunity to get to know each other, to get to know what they’re thinking, to get to know that their ideas are good. They’re valued. They belong here. We love each other unconditionally. We respect and honor each other. You can do it to talk about a memory, our best memory, something we’ve always done together that’s been great, or maybe something, our happiest moment.

Phyllis Long:
And so, you can come with the theme. Let the family come up with the theme. “What should we do this time? What would be our theme? And then look at the collage and the beauty of how it brings together, all the family ideas and all of the great things that each of you represents there. And that’s all good. Be very careful to not anybody’s ideas. It’s really an opportunity to connect, belong and understand one another.

Phyllis Long:
Pass the story. You can start with a story. Somebody says, “Once upon a time.” And then somebody adds the next part, “There were two dogs and a cat.” And depending on the age of range, they can get very detailed. And nobody gets to know how it’s going to turn out. Nobody knows what’s going to happen next. And everybody gets to take the story through twists and turns. So, it’s a collaborative activity that uses imagination and creativity. And it brings out those strengths like literary strengths in your children. So, this can be done at all ages, and be enjoyable to them.

Phyllis Long:
Where are we with time? Okay. This one could be a family band. You can say, “Okay, let’s put together. What kinds of things can we find around the house that we can make a sound with, that we might use in a family band?” And we can give a hint, like we can say, “Well, I know that if I take a pot and a wooden spoon, I can make a drum. But what else do we have? Let’s look around.” And everybody finds something that can make sound. Now, this can get very elaborate for older kids. They can start getting rubber bands and boxes and making guitars. But asking everyone to not go to a pre-made instrument, but to create something for sound that they might like and enjoy and want to use. And then you all decide what song will we put on and play our instruments to. So, it’s an opportunity for an auditory creativity.

Phyllis Long:
Take a nature walk and a camera. And let each person take pictures of the things that they see that they value, and that they enjoy. And take a notepad and jot down some of the things that they enjoy. Well, I saw this rock because it’s shiny and the sun was shining on it. And write down the little captions of what they would say about the item they took a photograph of. And then put it in a slideshow that you can all watch together and see what each other values and enjoy together.

Phyllis Long:
And here’s a way of practicing some photography, appreciating nature and being able to, again, embrace the differences. Someone is going to focus on the animals. And somebody, especially loves the flowers. Maybe somebody enjoys the rocks or the landscape.

Phyllis Long:
Now, this is a fun one. You can do this one that’s tactile. You can get out some clay and you sit around the table, and everyone gets a nice size lump of clay, and ask them to sculpture something. Maybe we’re all going to decide to sculpture a bowl, blindfolded. And so, everybody is going to take their time and sculpt their bowl. And then you turn on the lights or take off the blindfold and see what you ended up with. It’s just a process that shows how the brain and what you imagine in the brain, and how you can tactfully put that together and maneuver and manipulate that. So, you’re getting your hands engaged.

Phyllis Long:
Here’s another one. Finger painting without the mess. If you have toddlers, this is great. And you might already know this one, but taking a Ziploc baggy, squirt a couple of colors in, zip the bag, lay it flat, and let them move the paint around and enjoy seeing how the colors move, how they can draw in it and create and recreate, and blend colors.

Phyllis Long:
And I have three very quick ones. And then we’ll wrap up and hear your ideas and questions. So, here’s another one. And again, these are all in the handout that you’ll receive. Doing a crazy hair and dress up. Letting your kids dress you up, or you each putting on your own costume or, or, or just you design this. You can come up with loads of ideas. It’s creative. It’s fun. It’s interactive. And it just gives them the enjoyment of being able to get mom and dad in that vulnerable place, which is fun.

Phyllis Long:
Putting your hand out, a story that comes from a book called Everybody Needs a Rock. We forget the value of rocks, right? I don’t know a generation that hasn’t enjoyed collecting rocks. This story talks about the importance of collecting your very special rock and a process of how to do that. And then you go and everyone goes on a little hunt and finds their rock. And you can bring it back. And you can talk about why you chose that rock. The story will help you have more insight about that and why you would do that. But it just, again, these are all ways to get to know each other and to belong together, and to collaborate together, and to enjoy the process. These are not product oriented. As you can see, this is process.

Phyllis Long:
Memory stones are great ways to commemorate events or maybe it’s favorite scriptures. I have one with my favorite scripture on it that I keep nearby. I found a stone that was shaped like a heart. I like to hold it in my hand a certain way. And it reminds me of how, for God works all things together for good.

Phyllis Long:
So, you can talk about, “Let’s go get a memory stone.” Decide how, if you don’t want to call it a memory stone, whatever it is. And then you can paint them or just write on them what they mean. Maybe it’s a prayer answer to prayer and praise for prayer. And you’re going to keep them in a jar or a basket, or a garden, or a shelf.

Phyllis Long:
So, I ran through those very quickly. They’re just the tip of the iceberg. But I’m hoping that what you get from this is that creativity goes beyond coming out with something that looks nice. This is a process of being together, collaborating and enjoying each other’s differences. Expression of emotion comes out in all of this. It’s safe, secure. Freedom comes with boundaries, of course, as we’ve heard. And if they can do this at home, then they carry that out. They have to have that belonging here, they take with them wherever they go.

Phyllis Long:
So, questions and contributions. And I’m going to move out of this screen, so that I can see your contributions in the chat.

Phyllis Long:
So, when kids have the medium available to them, you can ask them what is a that they want to use and what is the medium that they want to use. And it’s a matter of, “What would you like to do with that today?” So, you lead them into being intentional and directive of their own, “What is it you’d like to try?” And then making those materials available.

Phyllis Long:
But if we get into saying, “I want you to draw a cat or a dog. Or I want you to make a tree or a landscape.” What we do is we’ve turned it into a performance. Now, again, the products are good. That’s not to speak against a painting class or art classes that help kids to learn art techniques and how to improve their skills, but the purpose of this is to have some free expression. It might be, “Gosh, you’re feeling sad today.” Or, “Gosh, you’re feeling angry today. Maybe there’s a project you’d like to do. Would you like to paint about that? Would you like to listen to some music? What is it you’d like to do right now?” That would give them a place to be able to be in the process with those creative things. Does that help? You’re free to ask me if that doesn’t answer the question.

Phyllis Long:
Anything else? How about ideas of things that you’ve been doing over this break that has been great for your family, that others can glean from.

Phyllis Long:
And some parents might feel like, “I don’t want to just send them in with everything in the kitchen.” And depending on the ages of the kids, it can be, “We’re going to make chocolate chip cookies, but we’re going to put something different in here. What could we put instead of chocolate chips?” Or, “We’re going to make chicken and we’re going to put it in the oven. What are some things we might like to have on it, that’s different from what we usually have?” So, it’s giving them variations that might take it in a direction that they can taste and enjoy, if you’re thinking that you actually want to come out with something in the end. And again, that’s not to be as product oriented because you’re still giving them the creativity of choosing the meal and how the spices might go together. Maybe you can taste them first and see what you think might taste good on the chicken, that sort of thing. You can give them some parameters around that, and then identify where the freedom is. Which goes back to your question about the creativity and the process.

Phyllis Long:
Short attention span, yes. Yes. And that’s going to be a short attention span is on two year olds. It’s a different thing, right? They have attention span of a flee. So, if you’re just one on one with a two year old, this is where you can do the things that are within the parameters of what they can manage.

Phyllis Long:
So, attention span increases when there is freedom and it isn’t product oriented. I was a preschool teacher. Two year olds can stay with it longer, if it’s something they enjoy. I mean, they’ll put stickers on paper all day long. If you have something tactile that they can use, again, that can be in a baggie to keep them safe and you staying next to them. So, if you have a family with a two year old, then you would manage that according to the needs of your two year old. Clay, you would use something that they’re not going to eat, and you probably will have your eyes open. And just let them enjoy squeezing it and feeling it and the texture of it. That’s where they’re at. While the other family members are designing their bowls. You see. You could give them an edible clay one. That’s not going to be toxic to them.

Phyllis Long:
If you’re using the collage work, they might just add stickers to the collage. You can have other things besides magazine cutouts. I put that in your handout. You can add embellishments and things that they can manage, and just have their contribution of some stickers to put on there. So, they’re still getting that contribution. Again, the process isn’t just the activity that you see and that you’re touching. It’s the activity of being a family contributing and nobody is shutting anyone down, and you’re brainstorming and enjoying together.

Phyllis Long:
If there’s photographs for the nature walk, what they run over to and like, and seem to notice, you take their picture for them. And then remind them, “This is the dog you saw. This is the flower you liked.” And so, they can see that there was value to what they had. If it’s a story, they might say something silly and not even know what to say, accept it. It doesn’t matter.

Phyllis Long:
How about your teenagers? What are the things you’ve been doing that has been good for your teenagers?

Phyllis Long:
Great. See, all of those things, I think about my son, he had a fort in the backyard that basically he took when he was getting toward middle school. They took a, what was I think a tool shed. It was a house we were renting, and made of that fiberglass. He and his friends went up, at a trash day, they were dragging things out of people’s trash that they were getting rid of. And they created the best fort. And they painted it. And they found AstroTurf to put in the bottom of it. And they found things to hang and chairs to put in it. And they love to have the adults come up and sit with them. So, we’d go sit in there with them. And they would ask for things for their fort, or we’d ask, “What else do you need? Maybe we can help you find that.”

Phyllis Long:
So, there’s great ways to engage with them in their activities. And that’s the key. Let them lead you.

Phyllis Long:
They don’t care. I have grandchildren of all ages too, by the way. In fact, the people who enjoy these things the most, back in the old days, when I was a preschool teacher, and the parents would come in for back to school night, and you’d put out crafts for the kids to do, the parents were the ones who loved doing the activities. And they would stay there and the kids are like, “Let’s go. Let’s go.” Because they get to do it every day. But the parents loved it. And the big sisters and brothers that came, loved it. They all want to revisit that creative stage of life, where they had the freedom to do those things. So, don’t doubt that your teenagers wouldn’t enjoy some of these things and not mind going back to that preschool days of some of those activities.

Phyllis Long:
Anybody else who’d like to share? I love your activities. This is where it’s at, just you creating things in your own environments. That you know your kids, you know your family, and you know what works for you. Good.

Phyllis Long:
So, I hope what you’re getting is that this is really, I think of what the word management means. And part of this is helping to manage your family a little bit. Management means using what you have to get what you want. Okay? So, letting your kids be a part of that process, here’s what we have, now how do we want to do this? And what can we create? When they know that they have a voice and it’s not going to be wrong, because there’s no wrong answers, then they will open up more and they will say more, and they will share more. And what this does is it creates, again, that belonging. And it’s safe then to be more creative and extend that into other areas.

Phyllis Long:
Okay. Well, remember that there’s a handout for you that this goes more in depth. A little handout you can print out. It just gives you the materials you’ll need, some suggested process for how to do the activity. Again, these are all made and created to be flexible according to the ages of your kids and their needs, and their personal giftings, and strengths, and honoring one another.

Eunice Jeremiah:
So, our time is now up. I would like to thank, Phyllis Long, for a wonderful presentation. I’m sure you’ve gained a lot, just as I am.

Eunice Jeremiah:
And thank you for joining our Family Conference 2020. We hope you have gained new insights and tools, you can actually use with your families. We will keep you informed of upcoming events with Rhombus. And you can check our website at www.gorhombus.com for more information. Thank you for being a part of Family Conference 2020. And we look forward to seeing you again at Family Conference 2021. Thank you for joining us. Bye for now.

Phyllis Long:
Thank you, everyone.

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Fostering Connection & Creativity with Children by Phyllis Vokey Long